i believe you, but not really

Friday, January 11, 2013

So today is friday, and I had planned to put up some new pictures, and then tell you all about how much I love January and why. Then update you on the happenings around here, and then even some exciting news. (I'm not pregnant, it's funny how after you get married you can't have news without someone thinking that you're pregnant.) 

But, last night something happened and I feel like it needed to be shared with you. I have been dealing with trust issues for a while now, with God mostly. Anyone else been there? We I have every reason to trust God, I mean look at the blessings He has given me and my family. He has always come through in the past, so won't He continue to come through in the future? I believe He can, but I don't always believe He will.

So for years I've had this inward struggle of "I know Lord you are capable of this, but will you actually do it? I probably need to just take care of it myself. I know I can rely on myself. I really don't want to bother you with something so insignificant." Then Daniel started working on His sermon for this past Sunday, it was titled "Believing without Faith." It was on a scripture that I have read countless times but somehow missed this small part.

Mark 9:17-24 talks about a father who's son has been possessed for years, for years this demon had tried to kill this child. Talk about a parent being physically worn down. The man brings his son to Jesus and tells Him, "If you can do anything, please take pity on us and help us." In verse 23 Jesus responds "If you can? Everything is possible for him who believes." (And what happens next is the verse that I have skipped over for years.) The father's response is this "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

Thats is right there, I believe but only in part of it. I believe You can, but I don't know if You will. God has been dealing with me on this all week, well longer than just this week but maybe louder this week. This all leads up to last night.

We are going through all of our bedtime routines, give the girls a bath, get them dressed in their pj's, get the fan on, beds ready, and the last thing we do is read a bible story. We had just got them a new bible, and we love it. It is the Jesus Story bible, the authors have taken the bible stories and at the end of each one add on how Jesus fits into it. So we can see how everything points to the big picture, which is Jesus. Last night we read the story of David and Goliath, one of Charlee's favorites. Afterwards I started telling her why I love this story, I told her that David was so small and Goliath was so big but David still won because God was on his side. I started to tell her that it doesn't matter what problems she might have because God is on her side, and with God she can overcome anything. Then that's when I heard it, that still small voice "I am on your side too," I kept talking to Charlee. It doesn't matter how small you feel or how big the problems feel, "Lindse, your problems aren't too big for me either." I told Charlee how much God loves her, "don't I love you too?" 

And that is when I finally got it, scriptures came flooding into my mind. Matthew 6:25-34, if God is going to take care of the birds and the flowers isn't He going to take that much more care of me? So at the moment I decided no more unbelief, no more what if's, I'm done with them. I know God is able and I know He loves me, why wouldn't He take care of me? For too long I've let the enemy whisper lies into my ear, and I'm done listening.

I don't know if anyone else has ever struggled with this, maybe I'm the only one who needs the simple reminder that God loves me. But I felt God telling me that this had to take precedence today, maybe it was just for me to rethink what happen last night. Either way I hope and pray that whatever you may be struggling with that you will hear that same small still voice.

Don't worry I will have more photos to share next week, as well as a few other surprises (again, not pregnant) so be sure to  check back next week!

 photo sig_zps1xhugs0w.png
share this on »

2 Responses to “i believe you, but not really”

  1. thanks for sharing Lindse, sometimes just knowing that you are not alone in your feelings is strengthening to me!